i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
