Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
