my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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