Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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