Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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