Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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