Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
