Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
