I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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