my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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