I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
