you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
