Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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