you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just invented taco cereal.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
