You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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