Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
