Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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