I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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