the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
