The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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