is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
