Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
