She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
