I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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