For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
