like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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