I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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