Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
