She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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