I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
