she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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