i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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