I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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