There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
