saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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