Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
