Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
