I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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