it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
