Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
