you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
