Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
