i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
