I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
