Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
