sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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