Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
