but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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