3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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