There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
