umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
