I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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