dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
