He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
