she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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