i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
