Ambien. No doubt about it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
