Its about making memories worth repressing
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
