things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
