Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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