I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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