He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
