The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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