this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
