PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
