We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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