I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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