I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
