her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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