Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
